The White Lotus, the Dopamine Dragon, and Inner Authority
Why aren't we satisfied?
At some point - early in Season 2 - it occurred to me that The White Lotus is an almost perfect show. Completely human. Honest, in a way that many shows are not and in a way that is actually really hard to write.
There are scenes that are written so well that character-actor blurs into one person - a person who is actually feeling that thing, in that moment. Scenes that are frighteningly accurate, putting a finger on the pulse of what people are feeling in our times.
That was written for me! You say, to no-one in particular.
Mike White, take a bow.
Portia, played by Haley Lu Richardson, does it better than anyone. (An honourable-mention-tip-of-the cap to the great Michael Imperioli). Sitting with Jack [Leo Woodall] on a perfectly pleasant bench, on a perfectly pleasant Italian day, with a perfectly pleasant gelato, what bubbles up inside of her is the anxiety of things to be accomplished.
“Do you have any goals?”
Portia’s answer to her own question gets to the root of the our modern ills, and makes this a wonderfully underrated scene. I’m almost certain you can relate.
“…I don’t know. Be satisfied? …that’d be nice.”
We live in a culture that is perpetually dissatisfied. We don’t know how to be satisfied because the structures and processes by which we would make meaning are either changing, irrelevant, or gone. At least that was my hunch, and I set out to prove that hunch by testing the waters with An Agnostic Argument for a Sunday Morning Renaissance. I wrote it and let it simmer. I didn’t have to wait long. It was my most read piece of writing, ever. Apparently a chord was struck, and it was playing a tune we were all hearing at the exact same time.
“Is this it?” Portia asks, in another scene.
There’s something more isn’t there? I was promised excitement, and likes, and shares, and reels, and affiliate links, and podcast downloads, and yet the real world is…quiet?
People simply going about their day, doing work that they feel increasingly disconnected from. Put-put-puttering and buying stuff that my-god-I-hope will make me feel good.
“We all sense something is terribly wrong even though we can’t see it…we have lost the secret.” - Stutz
There are probably many reasons for this. A confluence of things - everything, all at once. We can address two of those things today - dopamine on the cheap, and not being able to generate and express what Stutz calls, your inner authority.
“Life is a process. If you want to change a process, you need to work on it daily” - Stutz
All we need is a point of view, a set of tools, and a lot of time. I hope that in this post you discover a new tool to limit distraction, gain confidence, and move forward as an authority in your domain.
The Dopamine Dragon & Inner Authority
Convenience is a theme of modern times. In some ways, a great blessing. In others, a bigger-than-we-think chasm where we fall into a funk of our own making. It’s not entirely our fault. This extreme convenience happens to be paired with infinite, and nearly free sugar, dopamine, and distraction. We use all of our new-found free time to endlessly scroll apps that become vices, or dip back into the bag of high-fructose corn syrup and canola oil. It’s there. It’s available. It’s basically free. It makes us feel good, we tell ourselves. Self-harm masquerading as self-care.
What we want is to feel good and the sensation of feeling good is now at our fingertips, every waking moment. Oddly, at the end of this pleasure-fueled misadventure, we feel worse than we did before. Dopamine is a dragon that we keep chasing to our own detriment.
To our own detriment, because what it really is, is “…connection on the cheap.” We haven’t spent any effort to get this wonderful reward - it was destructively convenient. We feel our life force being sucked away and we have less energy than before we “rested.” Quite a pickle, isn’t it?
The good news is we all know something is wrong. We didn’t know how to express it when we first felt it, but we’re starting to understand it, and that’s a good step.
Distraction and dopamine take us from our work. When we stray too far from the path - when our vocation devolves into a meaningless drudgery of paycheck-to-paycheck - we start to separate ourselves from ourselves. It seems that our peers can sense this and it begins to alienate them over time. You can’t speak with the confidence you once had because you’re now unsure of who exactly is speaking and what it is they’re saying. Maybe our voice becomes soft, we stop showing ourselves in public spaces (retreating), or we freeze when we have to speak in front of a group.
“…freezing is actually caused by an inner insecurity; an insecurity you may not even be aware of until you suddenly lose your ability to express yourself.” - Michels
Phil Stutz and Barry Michels might say you’ve lost your inner authority, and in turn, your ability to connect with other people in a meaningful way.
We don’t just lose the connection. We’ve lost a meaningful relationship with the outer world too - and the possibilities that exist there.
“People give you opportunities because they feel connected to you.” - Michels
This seems to be just as true of the natural world as it is in our human groups. When we focus on what is real, as opposed to what is not real, we’re actually able to generate more energy than we believed we had before we decided to engage. I’m certain you’ve felt this. Compare the energy and enthusiasm you have after a trail run (regardless of how long it was) vs. an hour spent scrolling Instagram or TikTok. It feels as if you’re in a different world entirely, because you are.
What we find when we’re in the zone - or flow - is what Barry and Phil call the Force of Self-Expression.
“…you’ve lost yourself in the experience and allowed the Force of Self-Expression to speak through you. You’ve become a conduit for something wiser and more fluent than your normal self. There’s relief and joy in this.” - Michels
Relief and joy. The feeling of being satisfied. Portia had lost her connection to the Force of Self-Expression, and in turn, her inner authority.
The ancients - the Stoics for example - saw this sense of self and the expression of it as fundamental to your experience on earth. That’s why work - or vocation - was seen as something worthwhile and important.
You have natural abilities - we don’t know from where - and your job is to discover and express those abilities in the form of meaningful work that supports the advancement of the collective. It doesn’t have to be grand - you don’t need fame. We’re not playing for that. It just has to be uniquely you - that’s how you do your best work.
Vocation, in another time, was quite literally to hear a voice, or to be called. To know it is one thing (I’m certain you do if you take the action necessary to reveal it), to express it is another.
“What you think doesn’t matter…Focus on what you do, not on what you think. Your only job is to use the tool. The system will do the rest.” - Stutz
In summary, the inner authority is the power to express yourself sincerely, and with confidence. You achieve this when you’re able to clearly see your natural gifts, and apply them to meaningful work. Meaningful work is never in a vacuum - it is always co-creation with other people. This is as meaningful in principle as it is in practice.
“The more connected we feel to each other, the happier we are….people who feel a sense of community live longer and enjoy greater physical and mental health.” - Michels
This is true of the Japanese Moai, or someone who has been deeply committed to their craft for an extended period of time.
Like Nonna Anna, making her espresso, to the age of 100.
“I would not be able to detach myself from this environment…it is my life. My day is full…In my opinion I have everything. I have health, I have a job that I like, I have a simple life, I’m fine.”
Or Jiro, making his sushi, now in his 90s.
“When to quit? This job that you’ve worked so hard for? I fell in love with my work, and gave my life to it.”
There are cultural components here - the Italians are relational by nature, and the Japanese take great pride in doing something well. Regardless of where we come from - perhaps especially in our times - all we need is a point of view, a set of tools, and a lot of time.
Onward.
See you on the path.
-MG
It’s been a minute since I revisit the Italian quarter in Boston so this is a refreshing find, Matt.
Good to see that exterior photo in this piece!